I’ve been exploring my edginess in the last few years. I used to be really sweet, but now not as much – and I love it.
Things like: don’t sweat the small stuff, what someone says is a reflection of them not you, we’re all doing the best we can…these all seemed only partially true to me.
While I think these things are true for the most part, I also see them used as a way to do not see what’s truly going on.
A way of glossing over something inside that has huge insight. Protecting or supporting our edges, boundaries, the things that are true for us, what we aren’t willing to tolerate or let slide is an act of compassion.
Once I settled my struggle with not being okay with everything, my natural compassion grew. I was able to step in and see what the frustration and anger meant. Those small things had BIG meaning.
My edginess was trying to tell me something, it had beauty and wisdom too:
*That small stuff can be a crack in the foundation that if we are aware of it we can repair before it becomes a bigger deal,
*Those words and actions from someone else might be a response to some trespass that’s happened that we are unaware of,
*Doing the best we can means staying in integrity with what we value, showing up when we said we would (or checking in if something comes up)…and it’s okay to request that people show up when they say they will.
I used to internally wrestle with the frustration that would arise when one of my true internal boundaries was crossed. I tried to be okay with it, using compassion for another as a weapon against myself.
I’ve been contemplating this for years and it’s slowly gaining clarity as I am willing to set down my stories of having to be okay with everything, that tolerating isn’t always a supportive thing. The question becomes what am I tolerating and why? There are times when not tolerating something brings the whole community back into balance (racism, rape, greed…).
I sat back, breathed and watched was happening right in my own backyard. I realized that Nature has edges, it’s not one open field. There are boundaries all over the place – those boundaries hold things in harmony & balance.
Edges are beautiful, they are where the most diverse and resilient communities grow. Think of the edge of a forest and all the species that move through there, how there’s space to graze but the shelter is there, there’s shade and warmth, birds, mammals, insects…the edge is a place of life.
In permaculture we are often trying to increase edge, especially with water features because it offers more places for fish to gather, less turbulence and more room to hide, many children thrive when there are gentle loving boundaries.
Edges (shores) are what keep the great water from becoming a puddle. For those of us that are highly sensitive, all the information can be overwhelming at times. I was sick of puddling and found my inner edges.
So here’s the contemplation:
Explore the natural edges of nature around you? Explore the edges within – where are the boundaries, the parts that can’t be crossed unless integrity is sacrificed.
What does nature show us about the beauty of boundaries, edges & intolerance.